Jo ... Don't go... :)

That day... our first job location was announced... and then she left Chennai....!! That was the last time... when we were together... Me and Jo...!!

It was in the last week of September... 2004...!! We had completed our two months freshers' training (at Cognizant, Chennai) ...  and we were ready to embark upon our professional journey... and so we were eagerly waiting for our first posting...!! It was after lunch... that our training coordinator came to the classroom... with a sheet that had the location listed for each of us... in the batch CS001.

All the freshers' were grouped under various batches based on different technologies... and ours was batch-1 for 'Client Server' technology :)

He first announced the names of the people who were to join at the Kolkata center...  and our names were not there.... and it was just fine...!! And then the names for Pune location followed...  and after a few... he announced Jo’s name...!! I was standing just next to her... and she was happy... (Why not... after all in IT....Pune is one of the coolest locations to be at...!) ... And I crossed my fingers... hoping to hear my name next... but it was not to be....!!  Coordinator finished the names for Pune....  and my name was not announced yet... !! Then he looked up from the sheet...!!

I was getting tense... a bit restless and just then he told... that the people whose names were not called as  yet.... would be based out of Chennai..!! And my heart missed a beat...!! I was shocked...  and... I was sad...  inconsolable....!!  It took a while, at least 5 minutes or so, for me to accept that ... one of my fears had come true.... and that Jo was to MOVE to Pune and I was to STAY BACK in Chennai...!! My eye filled with tears... and then tears started rolling down my face...... I could not hold any longer...!! I broke down and I cried... and I did cry a lot...!! :)

It was not that I had any issues whatsoever with Chennai... or that I wanted Pune or any another specific location...!! I was not even bothered with the hot (or very hot weather) of Chennai...!!Sure... I was not thinking about the language problem that I would soon realize (to be continued in one of the next episodes of the Chennai Series :))!! 

That day... at that place.... the only thing that mattered to me was... that Jo was leaving...!!... I was least bothered that everyone else was making fun of me... and that they were singing in unison and teasing me.... "Jo.... Don’t go..."!!

It’s now almost 6 years that we have not met in person... though we mail at times... and talk over phone sometimes...!! But not distance or time could change the place that she holds in my life...!! She has been a great friend... and a mentor...!! I could confide anything in her... because I know she would understand and that she would not judge...!!

We are two completely different people... from hugely different backgrounds...  upbringings ... faiths... and even mother tongue :)...!! But these differences could only strengthen the bond I share with her...!!

I am blessed to have her in my life...!!

For this... did I do my engineering...?

My manager told me today...that I would be mentoring two fresher's ...joining the organization. ('Fresher' is an IT jargon that stands for a person fresh out of college; joining its first organization.)
 
WOW... I would be MENTORING...!! I can mentor... so it definitely means that I have the qualification to address my mentees’ inquisitiveness.... that I have the maturity to understand their insecurities and fears... and I also have the vision to provide them with guidance on their career path....!! ... And it made me smile... I felt a sense of pride…!!  It is, indeed, a milestone..., rather a significant one, of my professional journey...!!

With some industry experience... now I understand... that though a fresher has education and degrees but that are not enough... professional world is altogether a different ball game... :) On our side of the world... education is important... but experience is what matters more...!! Here... intelligence is appreciated... but diligence is what we look for....!! Though we may have topped our branch... or our college... we may even have earned gold medals... but when we start our professional career... we start afresh… we start it from a zero...!! :) The irony is that I NOW understand this… back then … may be I lacked the maturity :)

I have come a long way from where it started.... some 5.5 years back... and I was the FRESHER then ... :)...!!

That day is still so vivid..., ‘Cognizant’, Tidal Park Office, Chennai and the date was 9th August 2004..., when a crowd of around 500 or so odd people completed the joining formalities...!! We had a qualified brain but an unsure heart.... of what lays ahead... how future will unfold... and where we would be headed to...!! Yes... we were scared then... that day... when the journey started... and life has been a roller coaster ride ever since...!!

After the initial two month long induction training, we were put on live projects... and Sridhar was my first ever team lead (and I still call him TL)...!! At that time, he must be having the similar experience level that I have now...!! Though our work experiences may be comparable...and also the technical skills but definitely not the temperament... and the attitude...!! TL was an awesome mentor...!! He is mature... composed... comforting... understanding... and most importantly, he definitely knew how to handle me… then!! :)..

It was just the first week of my live project...!!TL assigned me my very first work/task… The task was to understand a small module in the application and then write test cases... around it... !! After explaining the requirements… he turned to his system (He used to sit diagonally opposite to me...)… Hardly 5 minutes had gone…that he heard someone sobbing…. rather someone crying… crying hard!! And he looked around… to only find me crying … crying my heart out…!! He was shocked… and confused….!! Lots of thoughts crossed his mind… did something terrible happen??… Or was I not feeling well??… Or did he offend me in anyway??… Or did I fight with one of my friends??...

I was his team member… and he had to understand as why I was crying… so he came to me… sat next to me… then asked, “Manu… what happened??”… I turned to him... and between my sobs… I replied and conveyed my genuine feelings… “For this (writing test cases) only did I do my engineering??”

TL looked at me… at my tear filled eyes and my pained expression… and he patted my shoulder… and told… “Manu… I understand and we will discuss this... once you stop crying...”!!

Now… after all these years… I know… I was damn blessed to have him as my first lead and mentor…!!

He did not laugh at my foolishness (now I know …it was so stupid.)… Nor did he scold me (If I was in his place… I would have got irritated...)… Also he did not ignore me (At least he could have let it pass…) … or impose upon me (After all I was just a fresher…)!!

We can only miss him...

... And then I woke up... and realized that...it was only a dream... a dream where we were together... all of us... and he was with us... and we were laughing as usual... like mad that we did...!! Of course ... it has to be a dream.... because the truth is...he is no more.... and it has been 5 years since...!! This realization always causes immense pain... but then the co-incidence... that it's his birthday today... made it cruel ...!! :(

Sometimes... it feels... as if he is still here... with us...!!  I could sometimes hear his voice...calling my name... as he used to do then...!! His smile... his eyes... his hugs... his talks...!!Oh yes... he was special for us... very special...!!

Very unique was his association with each of us....!! He assumed different roles... best friend... best brother... mentor...guide... and he was just perfect in every role that he played...!!

He loved us... just unconditionally...!!  And he would do anything to make us feel special...!!

He was one of the most intelligent people ...I ever met...!! When it comes to programming and software... he sure was a geek... but then he was as cool as anyone can be... :)..!!! He was so much fun to be with... so spontaneous... and so wonderful!!

It, in itself, is a privilege to have known him... to have spent time with him... to have shared a joke... to have discussed anything to everything over tea... to have walked the same lanes... and to have hold hands...!!

Memories of our time spent together... are still intact... and are as fresh...!! Yes... these memories hurt... and hurt very badly...!! It has been a big personal loss for all of us.... but it was a bigger tragedy....!! Tragedy... that it was so quick...that by the time we heard the news... he had already left us...forever... and we couldn't say good byes... and the fact is ... now we can only miss him...!!

I miss you so much... Amit Bhaiya!! We miss you so much... We may not always express... but we feel your absence so much... in everything that we take up!! We miss you... when we are sad... and we yearn for your rock solid support...!! We miss you... when we are happy... and we want to see that sparkle in your eyes...!!

Eleven Years... then... and now...

Yesterday... I met Sumit... after a gap of around 11 years!! Sumit is my friend from class XI-XII. Thanks to Orkut that we connected five years back... but it was not until yesterday that we actually met... except that we talked a couple of time over phone... may be!!

Eleven years... is a LONG time... indeed a very long one...!! More than a decade ... wow...!!! My family and friends who have been with me through all these years... cannot estimate how drastically I have changed over all these years...!! This is similar to the case ... where people who interact with me everyday... do not realize that I am putting on weight and all of a sudden I meet someone after 2 months... and he/she is shocked to see how much weight I have gained ... !! This is quite normal human characteristics... we adapt to delta changes and it does not catch our eyes... :):)

When we decide to meet ... it felt just normal... as I would feel when meeting anyone else...!! We had decided to meet at CP (Connaught Place,New Delhi)...  When finally I was walking towards the gate 5 of the CP metro station... where Sumit was waiting... it felt really weird...!! I felt curious... excited... scared... happy... confused... and all this at the same time!! I was unsure if we would even recognize each other.... but with all due credit to mobile phones... we could locate each other... :):)

Over these years... so many things have changes... our appearances... our personalities... our priorities... our ambitions... and us...!! :):) It’s not that I did not expect changes... I did...and it is obvious!!

In fact I am pleasantly surprised... that I experienced for myself ....the following beliefs –
- At any time, our priorities are based on the given time, space, age, and needs.
- No time or context is permanent. This too shall pass.
- Everything that happens ... happens for a reason.
- We can ONLY connect the dots when we look back and derive the reasons.

...Now...my career and my marriage top the priority list...!! I am constantly exploring as how to strike a balance between office and home...!! No more examination fever.... but now we are part of the never ending rat race... and that’s the only game we play!! We discuss... finances... and also how the US policies can impact Indian IT sector... all that serious stuff ... :)!! Now... talks are more centered on likes and dislikes of our spouses... and constant cribbing about the in-laws (P.S. my in-laws are just awesome... I absolutely don’t have any complaints:))...!!

...Then... life was all about studies and competitions.... law... engineering... and medical....!! Gossiping... girl friends... boy friends... :) ... Cards... chocolates....and roses :) ... we would discuss comics... movies... music!! We played hide-n-seek... truth or dare... and what not...!! We were immature.... but innocence was intact...!! Pocket money was always insufficient ... but we had a generous heart...!! Competition was so much... but there was no back stabbing...!! Life was so uncomplicated ... so simple!!

Now as I write... I can just go on.... I am absolutely overwhelmed... with how my life has evolved over these years...!!I am not unhappy... rather... by all standards ... I am very happy...!!I have economical independence... I have a loving spouse... I have a home to call my own... and of course I have a good job...!! Definitely ... these were my dreams then... and now they are the reality... so I have more or less achieved the milestones that I had decided for this decade...!!  Still I yearn for those bygone days... Back then... I could trust more... had more faith... and I would not think before smiling... there was no rulebook for etiquette...!!  I did not have any guidelines for managing people.... :) still I was closer to people then..!!

Meeting Sumit was a very nice experience...!! It brought back so many memories... joined so many broken links... we shared those achieved and yet-to-achieve dreams... and we laughed over those long forgotten jokes...!! How we came first and second in the class... and he had issues that a girl beat him at exams :)...!! We just couldn't finish talking... there was so much to share...!! 

We have grown... over all these years... and we have changed... but for those 2-3 hours... it felt as if we were transported back to our old school days... and it was definitely so much fun :)

And I thought she is one of them...

We meet a lot of people… but it is with very few that we hit a chord instantly…!! Sometimes I think… my idealism makes it even more difficult for others to relate to me…!! Not that I am a recluse… I do talk a lot …and also I talk to a lot of people but then there are very few with whom I feel at home…!!

I don’t remember how and when and why… we started talking … me and Vartika…!! But I am glad that we did… :)

I still remember… when I told her…that my husband is away… pursuing his MS… she simply asked … which university?? And that made me smile…. :)  This was not the reaction…that I had expected… generally when people get to know about my husband… their first reaction is of shock and then they say… “How did you let him go…?” “It must be so difficult on you... poor you!!” “Hey…you are really brave...”!!!

The thing that she did not pity or sympathize with me… helped me open up to her…!!  I felt … may be she also agrees that… marriage should not stop us from living… from dreaming and from aspiring to fly …!! And now I know this … for sure…!!

We have lot of common traits and interests… like visiting a beauty parlor is the last thing on our priority list... after all…who can improve upon perfection ... :)

Jokes apart…we love reading… we love writing… we love talking and we love debates… we also love fighting for our ideals/opinions…!! What we don’t fight… is for gender equality… because we know for sure… we belong to the superior gender... :)… Of course… you guessed it rights… we are out and out… feminist …!! And we don’t mind letting people know this… :) 

It may be because of my limited exposure/interaction… but for me… she is only the second person (after my husband...)… who knows and appreciates ‘Howard Roark’ and ‘Dagny Taggart’…!! We have a discussion due on virtue of selfishness and individuality…and I am so looking forward to it… :)

For us… career is a priority …. our job is a serious business… and we cannot stake it for anything in the world…!! ... We absolutely love what we do…and our work makes us happy!!

Though we are married and quite happily married… we still don’t fit in the conventional mould of marriage!! May be because… just yet… we are not ready to accept any boundaries… or stick to any definitions!! :) 

We come across as opinionated… at times stubborn… even proud… but we don’t mind it…!! We know … we are different and we are comfortable with this fact :)

She is so much like me in thoughts and perception … yet so different in outlook and reaction….!! She is calm and composed… so unlike me…!! She is direct yet polite…She can communicate her opinion and anger… without offending others…!! Not the last… I so appreciate her sense of humor…!!

There are lots that I can learn from her… and I hope I do…!!