And miles to go before I sleep...

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

                                  - Robert Frost

I don't remember when I read these lines ... for the first time... but for long... these have been my favorites. Just four lines... and they define life perfectly... :) So beautiful... and so simple yet so meaningful... and so complete!!

Life is a journey... and each of us is a lonely traveler... and we have to continually walk ahead... and when we stop...we seize to exist anymore...!!

Yes... It's a journey... of gradually growing up...of continuously evolving.... and of attaining the wisdom...!! It's unique because... there are no destinations...to this!! It's a journey... through and through :) ... And the beauty is... that everyone is journeying... inherently, even without realizing it… and that we do not have any choices or options... it’s compulsory... and the very essence of our being!!

In life... everyone is for himself or herself... we are always alone...!! We live with people... we live among people... but still each of us has a different and a unique path to tread...!! No two people can ever be together in the same space... time and context...!! It’s weird... right?? I know...!! But I have thought over it... again and again... and this belief has only grown stronger...!! Even when we are together.... like... celebrating a festival... or watching a movie... or simply talking.... each of us still has a distinct identity... either in space or time or context....!!

It’s a continuous travel... and there are no stops... :) ....Every second of every minute of every hour of every day... and even when we are apparently not doing anything... we are still walking.... it’s a travel through time... and we are always traveling ahead... there are no looking back :)

The day... we reach our destination... our journey comes to an end and so does the life... because this journey is nothing but the LIFE itself!!

Hope is a strange thing...

Its Monday today ... and now for third Monday in the row... I have Monday blues... :(... I feel tired.... and somewhat drained... :( I was HOPING to catch up on some sleep over the weekend... but somehow I could not.... so now my brain is sending signals... that I am tired... :) I know and understand... that this feeling of tiredness is more a perception than reality... :)

This happens all the times... whenever we pin our HOPE at something and we do not get it... then we are disappointed... and it pains us...!! Now this pain can be as insignificant as tiredness... or crankiness... but at times ... it can also be huge... frustration... and anger...!!

Did we not feel terrible when we did not get the promotion (at the work place) that we were so hoping for...?? Did it not hurt us when one of our good friends forgot to wish us on our birthday... and we hoped that he or she would send a gift :)?? Were we not angry when India lost in a cricket match to Pakistan... that we so hoped India to win??

Whether the hope is for a small and rather insignificant thing... or it is for something that has a life changing effect.... if our hope is not fulfilled... it has bothered us... it has pained us... it has made us sad... !! At many a times the root cause of our ‘pain’... is our ‘hope’...!!

But this is not the conclusion… there is another side to this coin... another part of this story... and that is... at times... HOPE has been the sole life force... that has helped us sustain ... and motivated us to continue in the toughest of the situations...!!

It is only because we hope that there is light at the other end of the dark tunnel that we get the strength to walk through it...!!

Is it not only because we hope... that next time we would be promoted... that we still continue to work...?? Is it not because we hope that our dear friend would be there for us always... that we forgive him or her... for forgetting our birthday...?? At times we feel that everything is lost.... and that... now we can endure no more... but we still hold on... because deep down we have this HOPE that... this too shall pass...!!

Though I have quoted insignificant examples... but I hope to bring significant attention to the context :)!!

Yes... we hope and so... we are... really!! It’s the hope… that keeps us sane amidst maddening situations... gives us strength to look beyond and wait for a better future... however at times it even hurts us... makes us feel desperate...!! At times hope helps us have confidence... happiness... dreams... aspirations... patience... and also at times pain...despair... frustration... anger... agitation... and hopelessness... :)

It is quite strange as how HOPE invokes a wide spectrum of feelings and emotions... and how it keeps us humane... :)!!

For this... did I do my engineering...?

My manager told me today...that I would be mentoring two fresher's ...joining the organization. ('Fresher' is an IT jargon that stands for a person fresh out of college; joining its first organization.)
 
WOW... I would be MENTORING...!! I can mentor... so it definitely means that I have the qualification to address my mentees’ inquisitiveness.... that I have the maturity to understand their insecurities and fears... and I also have the vision to provide them with guidance on their career path....!! ... And it made me smile... I felt a sense of pride…!!  It is, indeed, a milestone..., rather a significant one, of my professional journey...!!

With some industry experience... now I understand... that though a fresher has education and degrees but that are not enough... professional world is altogether a different ball game... :) On our side of the world... education is important... but experience is what matters more...!! Here... intelligence is appreciated... but diligence is what we look for....!! Though we may have topped our branch... or our college... we may even have earned gold medals... but when we start our professional career... we start afresh… we start it from a zero...!! :) The irony is that I NOW understand this… back then … may be I lacked the maturity :)

I have come a long way from where it started.... some 5.5 years back... and I was the FRESHER then ... :)...!!

That day is still so vivid..., ‘Cognizant’, Tidal Park Office, Chennai and the date was 9th August 2004..., when a crowd of around 500 or so odd people completed the joining formalities...!! We had a qualified brain but an unsure heart.... of what lays ahead... how future will unfold... and where we would be headed to...!! Yes... we were scared then... that day... when the journey started... and life has been a roller coaster ride ever since...!!

After the initial two month long induction training, we were put on live projects... and Sridhar was my first ever team lead (and I still call him TL)...!! At that time, he must be having the similar experience level that I have now...!! Though our work experiences may be comparable...and also the technical skills but definitely not the temperament... and the attitude...!! TL was an awesome mentor...!! He is mature... composed... comforting... understanding... and most importantly, he definitely knew how to handle me… then!! :)..

It was just the first week of my live project...!!TL assigned me my very first work/task… The task was to understand a small module in the application and then write test cases... around it... !! After explaining the requirements… he turned to his system (He used to sit diagonally opposite to me...)… Hardly 5 minutes had gone…that he heard someone sobbing…. rather someone crying… crying hard!! And he looked around… to only find me crying … crying my heart out…!! He was shocked… and confused….!! Lots of thoughts crossed his mind… did something terrible happen??… Or was I not feeling well??… Or did he offend me in anyway??… Or did I fight with one of my friends??...

I was his team member… and he had to understand as why I was crying… so he came to me… sat next to me… then asked, “Manu… what happened??”… I turned to him... and between my sobs… I replied and conveyed my genuine feelings… “For this (writing test cases) only did I do my engineering??”

TL looked at me… at my tear filled eyes and my pained expression… and he patted my shoulder… and told… “Manu… I understand and we will discuss this... once you stop crying...”!!

Now… after all these years… I know… I was damn blessed to have him as my first lead and mentor…!!

He did not laugh at my foolishness (now I know …it was so stupid.)… Nor did he scold me (If I was in his place… I would have got irritated...)… Also he did not ignore me (At least he could have let it pass…) … or impose upon me (After all I was just a fresher…)!!

We can only miss him...

... And then I woke up... and realized that...it was only a dream... a dream where we were together... all of us... and he was with us... and we were laughing as usual... like mad that we did...!! Of course ... it has to be a dream.... because the truth is...he is no more.... and it has been 5 years since...!! This realization always causes immense pain... but then the co-incidence... that it's his birthday today... made it cruel ...!! :(

Sometimes... it feels... as if he is still here... with us...!!  I could sometimes hear his voice...calling my name... as he used to do then...!! His smile... his eyes... his hugs... his talks...!!Oh yes... he was special for us... very special...!!

Very unique was his association with each of us....!! He assumed different roles... best friend... best brother... mentor...guide... and he was just perfect in every role that he played...!!

He loved us... just unconditionally...!!  And he would do anything to make us feel special...!!

He was one of the most intelligent people ...I ever met...!! When it comes to programming and software... he sure was a geek... but then he was as cool as anyone can be... :)..!!! He was so much fun to be with... so spontaneous... and so wonderful!!

It, in itself, is a privilege to have known him... to have spent time with him... to have shared a joke... to have discussed anything to everything over tea... to have walked the same lanes... and to have hold hands...!!

Memories of our time spent together... are still intact... and are as fresh...!! Yes... these memories hurt... and hurt very badly...!! It has been a big personal loss for all of us.... but it was a bigger tragedy....!! Tragedy... that it was so quick...that by the time we heard the news... he had already left us...forever... and we couldn't say good byes... and the fact is ... now we can only miss him...!!

I miss you so much... Amit Bhaiya!! We miss you so much... We may not always express... but we feel your absence so much... in everything that we take up!! We miss you... when we are sad... and we yearn for your rock solid support...!! We miss you... when we are happy... and we want to see that sparkle in your eyes...!!

Leave without any reason...

No... I am not sick...!!
... Also I did not go home or to my in-laws place...for Holi...!!
Any crisis...?? of course not... !!
Guests at home..?? None...!!
Need for me-time.... Nah..!!

Actually there is no logically valid excuse for this leave per say.... And yes... I still...took a day off today...!!

WOW... after a long time ...did I take a leave ... just for the heck of taking one...!!!

In fact… if I can recollect correctly... I think... this is for second or third time in my career of around 6 years... when I absolutely knew... that the leave is without any reason...!! :)

And it did make me happy... very happy!!

Few days back.... when I applied for this leave... I was feeling little guilty... as I usually do whenever I apply for one…!! Sometimes…my husband would tease me... that I behave as if office would shut down... if I don’t go… :)!! ... Not his fault… I am fussy about my office... my work... my client... my calls... and my deadlines...!! I always have some reason... and taking off ... even for a day is a seriously thought about decision...!!

But this time… it was an impulse... definitely...and thankfully... I did not apply any logic to it...!! I am so glad... that I did not...!! Today I had this nice feeling... of peace... and of contentment...!! It was a much needed break... and I relaxed...!!

Living at our own terms… is this not the whole purpose of us working so hard?? Are not all these leaves well earned ... for ourselves... and should not be reserved …for some purpose... or exigency?? Shouldn’t we realize... that office is just a part of our life... and that it should not become the heart of it...!! If going to office everyday is normal... then simply being at home at times…when we wish… is equally normal!!

We work... because we want to have economical independence ... and freedom… of thought and of expression… we want to prove ourselves… we want to grow… we want to reach the sky… but among all this … have we become slaves elsewhere??

My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist...

Quite like other King Khan fans... I, too, was eagerly waiting for the release of 2010's biggest movie... "My Name is Khan"...!! I was definitely hoping that this movie creates history... but not exactly in the manner that it did... :):)... I switched on the TV and MNIK was all over... on all the news channels and news papers ... and then soon on all major chat shows... discussions... twitter... blogs...and what not!! Tragically, all this coverage was not for the movie or its story... rather it was totally focused on one person... SRK... The Shah Rukh Khan...!! All this coverage... the publicity... was not in good taste... It was bad... very bad...!!

All this uproar was triggered by Shiv Sena.... they were and still are protesting against SRK... that is because he is supporting the inclusion of Pakistani cricketers in IPL teams. Their weapon to achieve this goal... is to disrupt the release and running of SRK starrer MNIK...!!

First and the foremost I so totally disagree to the reason of the protest... but if for a moment I let it be...!! Still disrupting the movie doesn’t make any sense to me at all..!! What I don’t understand is ...if we are protesting against person and his ideals... then how in the world... protesting against his film serves any purpose...??? In any film... he is only playing a character... which may or may not portray his own ideals or principles...!! And more so... there are more people involved with making of a movie... they have also put in their money and soul in it... what about them... and their efforts??

Now coming to the reason ... it sounds so lame... so baseless... and so very illogical!! SRK is supporting inclusion of Pakistani cricketers... so what’s the big deal about it?? He is an individual and as an Indian.... living in India ... definitely has the freedom of expression...!! Doesn’t he...?? Shouldn’t he?? I am yet not arguing the merit of the statement made... I am just wondering... if we indeed belong to the largest democracy of the world... and are we abiding with the very core of the democracy...?? Shouldn’t we be free to speak our own mind... word our own opinions??

And then I watched the movie...only to realize... how ironic it is... to protest against this particular movie...!! P.S. - On records... I agree its typical Karan Johor... candy floss... and larger than life film...Still the innocence of the protagonist touched my heart.... The simplicity of the plot is remarkable... and the message is indeed worth the whole effort involved in making it...!! It convey a simple message ... that you should not generalize people’s character... that you must not make opinions against a person based on nationality... religion... creed... color... complexion... gender... or language...!!

If the hatred between these two nations.... India and Pakistan.... is one bitter truth... then there is another truth as well... that we share common roots... and a common beginning...!! I am no advocate of India-Pakistan peace ... and don’t believe that any effort or initiative can ever change the equation between these two nations...!! But I am a strong supporter of freedom of expression....I understand that this is my personal opinion.... and I should not influence anyone else with it or impose it on others...!!

In the movie, Mr. Khan is trying to prove...My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist... and the tragedy is that he has to prove his authenticity and patriotism in real life as well... and still we claim... that we are a free nation...Are we really??