I was in the appraisal discussion with my manager... and I was my usual confident self...assuming... that the discussion would be similar to all the previous ones...!! (…smell arrogance...??? yes indeed!! ..may be even proud !!)
Quite unexpectedly… it was a shocker…an eye-opener!! ..I had not anticipated... but soon realized... this time... it was not going to be same...!! (Hope I never have to go through a similar appraisal ever again!!) Agree... it was difficult to face it then... but it is better late than never :-)
"I am too direct... and to tell the truth... I cherished that... but then being direct has its own consequences. There is a hierarchy... and most of the times the direct comments... cause raised eyebrows... :-) "
"Very opinionated... I always thought it to be my strength... but then definitely... many a times... having a very strong opinion prevents me from appreciating new ideas..."
"Perfectionist ... cannot accept anything that does not meet my criteria of perfection... and this definitely scares my team members away... and so I end up becoming unapproachable..."
"I have very high expectations from myself… this is fine as long as I don’t force this upon others… but I do… I expect a lot… and cannot accept any less!! This often creates uncomfortable situations for others…"
"And to top it all.... I cannot NOT react... :) "
My first reaction was ‘denial’… I cried … I cried my heart out…. Then... it was ‘rejection’… whatever has been told is incorrect…!! But this could not hold ground for long…as at the core of it I knew…all this has some truth in it…!! I ‘cribbed’ …and I felt ‘dejected’… but surprisingly… this time I ‘accepted’ and then started ‘introspection’… (…this will continue for sometime...!) … And the inner search!!
I feel… that to some extent… my 'Spontaneous Reaction' is the crux of all the behavioral issues that my manager pointed out...!! I am naturally like this... I react...!! If something is wrong... I have to voice it...!! If someone is not as committed... I lose my temper...!! I have this compulsive need to overtly express myself...!! I believe in telling the truth and then not keeping any malice inside... but may be this is not how it should be...!!
For once someone has pointed out my mistakes ... issues with my character… and surprisingly I have heard...!! But the bigger surprise is that I am thinking over these again and again... and more I retrospect... more I realize the truth... "To not react impulsively is indeed a difficult job" !!
2 comments:
ASK me..... sitting in office throughout the day and not being able to chat with u guys is paining so much that i can't tell u. to make matters worse my manager sits beside me... so can't even roam around...
9 * 60 = 540 times(minutes) a day I have to control the impulse of just getting up from my seat....throwing the resignation and going back to same ol' comfort zone .... but i understand this struggle is for something good
@Aseem - I most definitely agree... it is indeed difficult to control our impulse and our first reaction :-)!! Now that I am practicing this ...believe me... I have to be on my guards ....every minute of the day...!! ... and it's a tedious job!!
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