Hectic yet fulfilling...

It was after a gap of 10 years that I went home for Chhath puja. And the experience was awesome... out of the world...!!

The very same city... home... even people...everything appears so different...!! There is only one purpose... only one focus... to worship...to pray... to seek blessings... to ask for forgiveness!! I don't think there is any other festival that is so elaborate... so difficult... yet so meaningful to our existence...!! We worship... Sun God... the eternal source of all energy...and in turn of life!! Interestingly, "Sun" is one of the Gods which is worshipped in various religion ... and not only in Hinduism...!! Another special thing is that we pray the "setting" sun as well as the "rising" sun...!!

This puja is one of its kinds as it does not involve any "idol" worshipping. On all the four days of the puja...you are occupied with one or the other rituals associated with it...!! This is an extensive and very elaborate puja... that engrosses you completely... and you could actually feel the vibes...!! You voluntarily get involved and you could feel peace within and ...satisfaction!! The surrounding appears so serene... so pure... just magical...!! You could experience it in air... a special feeling of warmth... of belonging...!! You feel drawn to your roots ... to your folks...!!

I never realized what it meant to me. May be I had drifted too far away from the magical spell of it. But this time as if 'Chhathi Maiya' wanted me to be there... and I was there to re-live the magic called "Chhath"...

The Holiday... !!

Watched this movie... 'The Holiday' (Cameron Diaz, Kate winslet). You won't say that the storyline is extra-ordinary but somewhere it hits a chord and You could so well relate to it...!!

Somewhere you start associating with the two lead characters and how their lives unfold..!! Though the movie is about two women having problems with their respective partner/guy friend... but on a broader level...you feel that the trouble can be in any form... and sometimes it can make you so mad that you just want to run away...!!

Your own identity becomes a burden and your very own surrounding becomes a trap...!! You feel like a stranger among your own people...among your family...and friends...!!

Everyone has different priorities to cater... and you have your own..!! In the routine of your life... and comfort of continuity... an inertia sets in...!!

Habituated to life, you don't spend time to realize... if what you are doing is what you wanted to do...!! You never stop to wonder if you are happy...?? if you are content...?? Are you what you aspired to be???

And then something happens ...that breaks the continuity... and the momentum...!! You are shocked ...and you crib... and blame everything...and everyone...!! You shout.. you cry... this is the first phase...!!

The next phase is of self pity... and you blame yourself... and you feel as if it was all your fault...!! That the world has crashed... and that there is no future.. no hope...!!

But if you endure this and just hold on... then you will see the light at the end of the tunnel... the day break is just moments away... and you will have hope that it would soon be ALRIGHT!!!

I miss you

…………….….Everything seemed just perfectly fine
I smiled and blushed… holding your hands in mine

I miss your hug and I miss every kiss………………
…You got me everything…even before I could wish

I can't forget all the times we had
The good times and also the bad...

All the nights… I spent … in your arms…
….Now...is the time I spend without any charm…..

Wishing that you were here with me …
…..gives me nothing but misery…

I can't forget how it felt to be with you………………..
A pampered princess… with a prince as charming as you…...

I simply can't forget the lovely times….
....so incomplete without you around!!

Lets move on!!

My memories are precious... priceless... and are my real treasures!!

These memories are my paradise and in this paradise ... I treasure some people...!! In fact they only helped me create these wonderful memories...!! We spent a lot of time together...and enjoyed every moment of it!! Life to the fullest...in true sense...!!

Now they have moved on... to follow their own destiny... to create their own world...!! So our lives have taken different course...!! But I have yet not accepted it...!!

I need to understand that the time that we spent together was NO investment. It was our destiny... of co-existing... and exploring life...!! At that time... we were very important for each other... but now times have changed... situations have changed... and I, too, have changed...!! So if everything has changed... how can I still expect the same old times...??
I distanced myself from all of them... that is the truth...!! Then how can I expect my old place in their lives?? I bargained... life for life...!! And I got what I wanted... but in this process I lost some part of my life...!! I can’t have best of both worlds... and I chose this one world for me...!! Then why to grieve?? Why this frustration?? This frustration is causing a lot of turbulence in my life...and uneasiness...!! ...definitely a lot of negative energy and thoughts too!!

Life is much bigger than all this and I need to outgrow these.

I don’t want to have painful thoughts that overshadow all my happy remembrances!! I really don't want to spoil those moments...that we spent together!! Those moments are still untouched...pious and complete!!

I need to get mature... and move on...!!

I need peace...!! My mind would be at peace only when I move on. I can't always be torn between conflicting emotions... and feel sad for things that are trivial.

I am sad!!

I want to scream... scream real loud...!! I feel suffocated...!! Actually I feel like a bird in a golden cage. It might sound quite melodramatic but it is rather the truth.

Girl’s education... girl’s career... liberalization... everything is hypocrisy. And the saddest part is that we, girls, are equally hypocrites. We have set boundary to our own freedom. We have restricted the horizon of our own dreams.

We feel obliged to people for letting us do our jobs... for having a career... for being allowed to speak...!! We are thankful even for things that are our fundamental right... dreams... ambition... happiness...!!

We are free... just that we cannot aspire beyond a limit..!!
We have a career... till it doesn’t clashes with family interest..!!
We dream... as long as society approves of it..!!
We are independent... what if even our trivial decisions are discussed over and over again!!
We smile... because we have been allowed to..??
And still we claim we are happy... is it really...??

I am not bothered with the so-called society... moral polices. But it cuts through my heart to see that we give in... So easily...!! Why?

Your Choice!!

There is no use repenting about it now. Time has already gone.

You made a choice and that is how you have reached here. If you feel that you made a mistake by the choice, then pause and think and think very carefully. There is a big lesson to be learnt. It reflects that you did not think rationally and logically when you made that choice.

It means that you get influenced easily and you react at the spur of the moment. So if this is the case then this result is useful in your best interest. It will give you a lesson, a rather important lesson to be remembered always. So that when you take the next big decision in your life, you will weigh all your options intelligently.

But if you feel, deep down in your heart, that you would have taken the same decision again if put in the same circumstances, then move on. Do not feel bad because of these temporary downs. You should view the bigger picture. Always remember, when you want to tread a new path, there definitely would be obstructions, but you have never feared to be alone.

Remember, you have always chosen the difficult option. You have taken the courage to be DIFFERENT and think DIFFERENT. So now be brave and boldly face the consequences of your own decisions.