Talking is important in any relationship...

I have a thing for romantic movies... and last weekend...my brother suggested me to watch this series of movies... 'Before Sunrise' and 'Before Sunset'... and believe me... these are no less than masterpieces...!! Simply awesome...!! These movies are very different from any other movie that I had watched.

Those who have seen these movies can well understand what I mean...:-) but for others... I can summarize these movies in one line...there are two people... a girl and a boy... and all that they do through out the movie... is TALK... they talk and talk and talk...!! That's pretty much it.... :-) And I loved it...!!

Sometimes it happens that I am talking to someone and I loose track of time... the surroundings and the turbulence around me ...cease to exist...!! ... The talks can be anything as silly as discussing some comic character... or something as important as religion....!! The subject ... or context is immaterial... what matters is the spontaneity... and the connection with the other person....!! For me... in any relationship... it is very important to be able to talk...!! That is how I get to know the other person... that is how I get to understand someone else's perspective... their hopes...their vulnerability... their quest... and their world... :-)

In any relationship... the bond is strongest...when the two individual can connect... can talk... because any other ingredient like age, money, status, beauty etc. are short lived....!!

In the movie, these two individuals meet on a train… and start talking …then they keep on talking... they could just not stop... and that was wonderful...!!They could talk about anything ... just anything under the sky... and they could connect... relate...understand... appreciate... admire...and LOVE each other...!!

Their paths crossed for few hours.... and they became so comfortable with each other… so used to each other... that they promised to meet 6 months later...!! Unfortunately that could not happen... and then they meet after 9 years...!! In all these years they had led their independent and distinct lives.... but they could never love anyone else... because they could never talk like that with any one else... !! When they meet again.... they talk... they resume their conversation as if they were always together...!! And that is magical...!! It then ascends on you... that yes... indeed ...this is love... TRUE love...!!

The world does not matter if you have got that one person in your life... who could complete your sentences... who would know what is on your mind...!! ...then you can just be yourself... and isn’t that the key to all happiness...?? :-)

To not react impulsively is indeed a difficult job !!

I am upfront... and direct... quick … and honest… and impulsive..!! Many of my well-wishers have tried to explain me that I have behavioral issues and I should not ignore them… But I being me… never accepted until I realized it the hard way... a few days back...!!

I was in the appraisal discussion with my manager... and I was my usual confident self...assuming... that the discussion would be similar to all the previous ones...!! (…smell arrogance...??? yes indeed!! ..may be even proud !!)

Quite unexpectedly… it was a shocker…an eye-opener!! ..I had not anticipated... but soon realized... this time... it was not going to be same...!! (Hope I never have to go through a similar appraisal ever again!!) Agree... it was difficult to face it then... but it is better late than never :-)

"I am too direct... and to tell the truth... I cherished that... but then being direct has its own consequences. There is a hierarchy... and most of the times the direct comments... cause raised eyebrows... :-) "

"Very opinionated... I always thought it to be my strength... but then definitely... many a times... having a very strong opinion prevents me from appreciating new ideas..."

"Perfectionist ... cannot accept anything that does not meet my criteria of perfection... and this definitely scares my team members away... and so I end up becoming unapproachable..."

"I have very high expectations from myself… this is fine as long as I don’t force this upon others… but I do… I expect a lot… and cannot accept any less!! This often creates uncomfortable situations for others…"

"And to top it all.... I cannot NOT react... :) "

My first reaction was ‘denial’… I cried … I cried my heart out…. Then... it was ‘rejection’… whatever has been told is incorrect…!! But this could not hold ground for long…as at the core of it I knew…all this has some truth in it…!! I ‘cribbed’ …and I felt ‘dejected’… but surprisingly… this time I ‘accepted’ and then started ‘introspection’… (…this will continue for sometime...!) … And the inner search!!

I feel… that to some extent… my 'Spontaneous Reaction' is the crux of all the behavioral issues that my manager pointed out...!! I am naturally like this... I react...!! If something is wrong... I have to voice it...!! If someone is not as committed... I lose my temper...!! I have this compulsive need to overtly express myself...!! I believe in telling the truth and then not keeping any malice inside... but may be this is not how it should be...!!

For once someone has pointed out my mistakes ... issues with my character… and surprisingly I have heard...!! But the bigger surprise is that I am thinking over these again and again... and more I retrospect... more I realize the truth... "To not react impulsively is indeed a difficult job" !!

Arrogance in moderation...

"Arrogance in moderation does wonders to one's personality!!”... I recently read this somewhere...cannot recall the exact context... but it did register in my permanent memory.

My first reaction was…did I read correctly? And then I read it again... and smiled...!! I was pleasantly surprised and relaxed. In one short and subtle sentence, someone has expressed what I feel so strongly about.

I AM arrogant... and I have made peace with this truth. Yes, there was a time when I was troubled and felt guilty about this very strong trait of my character. But as I retrospect and realize... that it is quintessentially me... and it is no WRONG...and that it is NORMAL... Coming to think of it , arrogance has rather been quiet helpful all these years...!!

People around me know for very sure that I will not take any rubbish from them... they are even scared sometimes... and it helps me speak my own mind...to have my own space.. They know that they will have to reason with me logically before they could convince me...and it helps me be independent and more confident…

In this society, where anyone to everyone whether qualified or not is ready with number of suggestions... more so for a girl...!! Where if you let others take control of your life even for once... they assume right on all your decisions...!! People are ready to trample you and make you follow the society norms..., it helps to be arrogant... :-)

Hectic yet fulfilling...

It was after a gap of 10 years that I went home for Chhath puja. And the experience was awesome... out of the world...!!

The very same city... home... even people...everything appears so different...!! There is only one purpose... only one focus... to worship...to pray... to seek blessings... to ask for forgiveness!! I don't think there is any other festival that is so elaborate... so difficult... yet so meaningful to our existence...!! We worship... Sun God... the eternal source of all energy...and in turn of life!! Interestingly, "Sun" is one of the Gods which is worshipped in various religion ... and not only in Hinduism...!! Another special thing is that we pray the "setting" sun as well as the "rising" sun...!!

This puja is one of its kinds as it does not involve any "idol" worshipping. On all the four days of the puja...you are occupied with one or the other rituals associated with it...!! This is an extensive and very elaborate puja... that engrosses you completely... and you could actually feel the vibes...!! You voluntarily get involved and you could feel peace within and ...satisfaction!! The surrounding appears so serene... so pure... just magical...!! You could experience it in air... a special feeling of warmth... of belonging...!! You feel drawn to your roots ... to your folks...!!

I never realized what it meant to me. May be I had drifted too far away from the magical spell of it. But this time as if 'Chhathi Maiya' wanted me to be there... and I was there to re-live the magic called "Chhath"...

The Holiday... !!

Watched this movie... 'The Holiday' (Cameron Diaz, Kate winslet). You won't say that the storyline is extra-ordinary but somewhere it hits a chord and You could so well relate to it...!!

Somewhere you start associating with the two lead characters and how their lives unfold..!! Though the movie is about two women having problems with their respective partner/guy friend... but on a broader level...you feel that the trouble can be in any form... and sometimes it can make you so mad that you just want to run away...!!

Your own identity becomes a burden and your very own surrounding becomes a trap...!! You feel like a stranger among your own people...among your family...and friends...!!

Everyone has different priorities to cater... and you have your own..!! In the routine of your life... and comfort of continuity... an inertia sets in...!!

Habituated to life, you don't spend time to realize... if what you are doing is what you wanted to do...!! You never stop to wonder if you are happy...?? if you are content...?? Are you what you aspired to be???

And then something happens ...that breaks the continuity... and the momentum...!! You are shocked ...and you crib... and blame everything...and everyone...!! You shout.. you cry... this is the first phase...!!

The next phase is of self pity... and you blame yourself... and you feel as if it was all your fault...!! That the world has crashed... and that there is no future.. no hope...!!

But if you endure this and just hold on... then you will see the light at the end of the tunnel... the day break is just moments away... and you will have hope that it would soon be ALRIGHT!!!

I miss you

…………….….Everything seemed just perfectly fine
I smiled and blushed… holding your hands in mine

I miss your hug and I miss every kiss………………
…You got me everything…even before I could wish

I can't forget all the times we had
The good times and also the bad...

All the nights… I spent … in your arms…
….Now...is the time I spend without any charm…..

Wishing that you were here with me …
…..gives me nothing but misery…

I can't forget how it felt to be with you………………..
A pampered princess… with a prince as charming as you…...

I simply can't forget the lovely times….
....so incomplete without you around!!