My food fascinations...

I love food... and I love eating... :) !! I can eat anytime... but definitely not anything...!! Though I am not fussy about what to eat... but I am certainly particular about the taste...!!  Taste - the yum factor...!! 

The same food... cooked by two different people... can taste starkly distinct...!! Not only that... even the same food... cooked at two different times... by the same person... can taste drastically different...!! So 'taste' is not only governed by the ingredients... but also by the timing, person and his or her mood... !! 

I love everything about food... the color.. the flavor... the aroma... the craving... the touch... and of course the taste...!! I have always been intrigued by cooking... it is quite fascinating to observe how cooking transforms the raw to cooked... !! I love the transition... of the raw ingredients to the cooked food...!!

Yesterday I was cooking rajma (Red Kidney Beans, Indian Style) when it stuck me that it would be interesting to post some of my cooking trysts... !! So here it is... the beginning... :)

Kidney Beans and the other raw ingredients - before cooking

Kidney Beans - after cooking

My little Ms. Sunshine

It was June 26, 2007 and we -all of us... my family- were eagerly waiting for that one phone call...!! We were keeping our fingers crossed and sincerely hoping that everything goes on fine... with my sister-in-law (my brother's wife) ... !! She was in the labor room and here - across the oceans - we were counting each moment passing by...!!

And then the most awaited phone call came... it was my brother... and he gave us the good news - actually the best I have ever heard- "It's a girl"... my uncle repeated after my brother... wow... and finally when I got the receiver ... I realized that my brother was crying and so was I...!! And it was then I knew that people DO cry even when they are overwhelmed with happiness...!! 

She was born... my daughter... the little angel...  our princess!! I loved her from that very moment... even without having seen her ... even without having heard her...!!
I love you my baby... and I will always love you...!!

She is very very special... not only because she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen... or not only because she is the loveliest thing I have ever held... or not only because she is the precious first.. the first kid in our next generation...but because she taught us what it is to LOVE .... to love unconditionally... !!

She brightens up any bad day... she makes you forget all your troubles...!! She smiles... and that makes this world a better place to live in...!! She talks... and that makes you feel loved and belonged..!! She sings... and that alleviates all pains...!! She looks at you with those twinkles in her eyes and her innocence touches your heart...!!

She is the best gift that God could have ever given to our family. We are so blessed to have her in our lives... She is truly our little Ms. Sunshine!!

I so want a wife...

Notes -
1. The canvas for my discussion is mostly India… but from the exposure that I have got from books, movies, internet , etc., I do feel that I would not be totally wrong even if I generalize my thoughts.
2. I am blessed to have a very understanding and supportive husband and that is precisely the reason that I can even write this post.

The story is of one Mr. A — my brother — who got engaged to this very lovely girl... in July this year (2010) and his marriage is planned for January (2011). I know... all this information appears unwarranted for... but... believe me... all this is relevant to set the right context... :) So coming back to the background story... the courtship period is on and the world is all mushy rosy for A and his fiancée... !!

As A is counting days to his D-day… we tease him for that... at times he defends... at other times... he blushes... and the other day he replied that he is indeed in a hurry to get married and I quote what he said — “Of course....Can't wait for some 'ready home food'...'laundry done'....'bed sheet changed'.....'wet towel being dried'... 'reminder to take handkerchief to work'... :)”

I have known A for a very long time - around 27 years — and we have been really close — he has been my closest pal — and I can vouch that he would make for a very loving husband… but still I felt a pinch of pain that he too has a sorted list of expectations from his wife… !!!

May be deep down in my heart… I had expected him to be different… and to not belong to the crowd…. !! May be I am bit disappointed that he is also one of them — most of the people I meet/interact with everyday — who believe that responsibilities are for the wives…. and the rights are for the husbands…!! People label me feminist… and I don't have any qualms about that… but I want these same people to answer some of my fundamental questions… before they analyze my character…!!

Why is it that when marriage brings new relationships for both — the husband and the wife — then it is mostly the wife who is burdened to play all the new roles to perfection??

Why is it that even after the marriage the son can remain pampered and irresponsible but not the daughter-in-law?

Why do in-laws forget that daughter-in-laws were also brought up with as much love and care as their sons??

Why is it that even after similar education… when there is a need for one of the spouse to quit the job… then it is almost always the wife who is expected to leave her job??

Why is it that if husband and wife plan for family… then it is conveniently assumed that the wife would make most concessions at her job??

Why do people forget that we have also worked as hard for our education and that at times we were also away at hostel like men for studies and so we may not be perfect at cooking from the first day of the marriage??

Why is it that even after drawing comparable salaries that wife's parents are not supposed to be her primary responsibility??

Why is the definition of marriage so skewed.. so different… for a husband and a wife ?? ……………………. STOP…!!!

This discussion is never ending… ever continuing and painful ... and my intentions for this post is not to trigger any serious thought process… it is just a simple curiosity that what have we — wives — done so wrong to end up getting just 'husbands' ?? :):) Sigh!!... I so want a wife...!!

Time to say 'I will miss you'!!

Why is that we need to say goodbye... one last time?? Why is that we need to look back... one last time??

Today is my last day at GlobalLogic... and from tomorrow I would become an ex-employee of the company where I spent precious 3.5 years of my life...!!

True...Memories are necessary but memories are painful too... especially when they are all happy memories... and with GlobalLogic... that is the case... most of my memories are too precious... and very close to my heart...!!

Time will not stop for me... and whether I want or not... the landscape in my life would change...!! I can chose to be the Hem from 'Who moved my cheese' ('Hem: "Who moved MY cheese?" and yelled "It's NOT FAIR!"') and live in denial... but nevertheless... life would change...!!

There are so many things that I want to write... there are so many incidences that I want to pen down... and there are simply so many people whom I want to remember... but at present I am quite emotionally challenged... and I would not be able to do justice to whatever I write... but at the same times I so want to write something today...and so I decide to put up my Goodbye mail...!!

Though this mail does not include everything that I want to write but it definitely concludes my associations with GlobalLogic…!!Also I feel… this mail can be a good start to my memoirs of this wonderful phase of life that I can call 'Single in the City'... :)

Commonwealth Games 2010 - Did we fail?

“Montego Bay (Jamaica), Nov 14 (PTI) India Friday outpolled the Canadian city of Hamilton 46-22 to earn the right to host the 2010 Commonwealth Games in New Delhi.”

... It was indeed a historic moment for all of us, Indians, when we won the bid for hosting the Commonwealth Games 2010…!!

“India was the front-runner because it never previously staged the prestigious event and voters clearly were sympathetic to complaints from New Delhi officials that wealthy countries are picked too often.”
…this win established… that majority of the 72 member countries believed in our potential to be able to host a truly international event… that we are evolving and emerging on the world map… and that we could no longer be ignored…!! We are only the second Asian nation –after Malaysia - to be hosting this prestigious event...!!

After winning the bid, Indian Olympic Association president Suresh Kalmadi had told the reporters. “It means a lot to us. We feel this will change the whole perception of the Commonwealth.”  

...and nearly 7 years hence… and with the total expenditure (including the non-sports-related infrastructure development) in excess of 70000 crores… we have occupied the centre stage of world’s attention... but all for wrong reasons…!! Now counting days … rather hours… to the start of the costliest commonwealth games ever …we have indeed taken the world by surprise…!!   

India's bid motto was New Frontiers and New Friendships. I am not sure about the new friendships…. but ‘frontiers’… yes… we have definitely reached and crossed new frontiers of… corruption… mismanagement…lack of accountability and involvement… not owning up our responsibilities… inefficiency… and above all … shamelessness…!! 

There is no doubt that the India’s reputation has been severely damaged by the messy preparations and the taint of corruption in managing the funds…!! Member nations are not confident in sending their contingent to India… they are not sure of security… of hygiene… of accommodation and of the so-called world class venues where sports events are to be held…!! 

Unfortunately… the CWG 2010 made to the headlines mostly for wrong reasons… the world press is abuzz with the stories of missed deadlines, athletes of Indian CWG squad failing the dope tests, “unliveable” condition of the accommodations, thumbs down for Rehman’s CWG anthem, collapsing infrastructure, security threats, high scale corruption in managing the funds, controversial remarks from one of the brand ambassador of the games, dengue threat and what not…!!

Majority agrees – unanimously- that we should not have bid for the games in the first place… and that the money would have been better spent on education, health and basic sports infrastructure…!! I am not sure… if we would still host the games… and if we indeed host… then would we be successful at that… but I am sure of one thing… that CWG has only brought shame to India and that we have failed… and we have failed in full public view…!! 

 

And miles to go before I sleep...

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 

- by Robert Frost

This is a beautiful poem and very meaningful too...but the last four lines are especially close to my heart...!! I am so hooked to these lines - my favorite quote for a long time now...!! I am not sure where and when I read these for the first time but ever since... I have absolutely loved these lines...!!

Robert Frost is a great poet and he has beautifully captured the true meaning of life in just the four lines...  simple yet superb... really brilliant!! 

Yes... life is a travel... through and through... ever continuing... never stopping...!! Isn’t this ‘continuity’ the very soul of living...??

 

I love you, Dominique...

The Fountainhead (By Ayn Rand) is one of my favorite books till date. This book is very close to my heart ... as it resonates with my own opinions and personal philosophies...!! I have read this book umpteenth times... but every time I read this book... I learn/realize something new...!!

There is this one conversation where Roark (the protagonist) confesses his love to Dominique (the heroine). When I read it for the first time.... I was bowled over by the depth and sincerity of the feelings conveyed..!! His definition of love is so divine... so true... so perfect...!! And definitely... this is the only way I wish to be loved :)

“We never need to say anything to each other when we're together. This is for the time when we won't be together. I love you, Dominique. As selfishly as the fact that I exist. As selfishly as my lungs breath air. I breathe for my own necessity, for the fuel of my body, for my survival.

I've given you not my sacrifice or my pity, but my ego and my naked need. This is the only way you can wish to be loved. This is the only way I can want you to love me. If you married me now, I would become your whole existence. But I would not want you then. You would not want yourself-and so you would not love me long. To say 'I love you' one must first know how to say the 'I'. The kind of surrender I could have from you now would give me nothing but an empty hulk. If I demanded it, I'd destroy you. That's why I won't stop you. I'll let you go to your husband. I don't know how I'll live through tonight, but I will.

I want you whole, as I am, as you'll remain in the battle you've chosen. A battle is never selfless. [...] You must learn not to be afraid of the world. Not to be held by it as you are now. Never to be hurt by it as you were in that courtroom. I must let you learn it. I can't help you. You must find your own way. When you have, you'll come back to me. They won't destroy me, Dominique. And they won't destroy you. You'll win, because you've chosen the hardest way of fighting for your freedom from the world. I'll wait for you. I love you.

I'm saying this now for all the years we'll have to wait. I love you, Dominique.”

Love

Beautiful Cacti...

From childhood... cacti plants would catch my attention and make me curious. My mother would tell that cacti are plants only... just a bit distinct and unusual... and she would also warn me to not go very near to the cacti plants... as cactus spines can cause painful injuries..!!

Aren’t the spines central to the identity of a cactus? Somehow I find cacti plants very beautiful... in a unique way...!! That leaves of cacti have evolved as spines to support its survival in the surrounding environment teaches us a lesson – Adaptation!! :)

Golden Barrel Cactus

Brain Cactus

Mammillaria bombycina

Old Man Cactus

Saint's Cactus

Eriosyce sp.

Agave Cactus

Cleislococlus winleri

Hatpin Barrel Cactus

These photographs were captured at United States Botanic Garden, Washington DC on 28/03/2009.

The perfect match...

I was looking through some old cards and letters… and I came across a letter (dated 31-03-2004, 5.40 pm) that I had written to him (now my husband) after I had finished the book ‘Gone with the wind’.

I finished ‘Gone with the wind’ today and I was surprised at its relevance even in today’s society. Every Scarlett needs a Rhett Butler to make her realize what love is. We have some stupid ideas of our dream lover and we are so occupied with these that we do not let the truth enter our mind. 

Nothing is ideal… neither the surroundings nor us…then how an idealistic approach to your life partner serve the purpose? You are going to spend your whole life with him. You could pretend for a while or at the maximum for a few years... but for the whole life… can you?? 

If you have to think before telling something to him… then what is the purpose of his being in your life… and sharing your life…!! Love is respect… Love is friendship… Love is companionship… Love is support…!! How can I respect a person when I don’t know him well? How can I be friends with him when I cannot trust him completely? How can we be companions when we cannot relate to each other? How can I be a support when I do not understand his needs? 

You do not need a perfect person… but rather you need a perfect match…!! Perfect match for your thinking…, your attitude…, your ideas… and your way of living…!! A person has to be practical in selecting his or her life partner…!! 

You can NEVER get a person who has only the desirable qualities… he or she will definitely have some flaws… some demerits…!! In the beginning of any relationship … when you are in the dreamland… no fault of his appears intolerable…!! But life is no dream… it is very real… and very practical…!! So one has to think proportionately whether one could actually bear the flaws of the other person or not…!! Don’t ignore the negative points because someday you will have to face these … so better face these today when you still have time… and a way out…!!

Togetherness !!

Seven years of bliss ...

Today... we complete 'seven' years since you proposed and I said 'yes' :) ... and I am so totally in love... ever since :) :)

Measure your life...

The title for the article...“How Will You Measure Your Life?” (By Clayton M. Christensen) caught my attention... and this concept of measuring ones life appeared quite unique at the first sight... but nonetheless ...very sensible and quite engrossing...!!

Such was the power of the title that it evoked a thought process... even before I could start reading the article...!! In my personal opinion, I have always been clear about my ambitions and my goals – intermediate and distant – in my life... but I had never... ever... thought about... measuring my life...!! If at all I have to measure my life... how would I do so??  What would be the parameters to measure my life... how do I do so... and above all... why do I need to??

With so full of questions....I read the article and tried to understand the author’s perspective... and it is definitely a nice read...!! Though I am not sure if I could fully grasp and implement all that the author has to say but definitely I could appreciate his perspective...!!

About Author:

Clayton M. Christensen (cchristensen@hbs.edu) is the Robert and Jane Cizik Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School.

Excerpts from the article:

“On the last day of class, I ask my students to turn those theoretical lenses on themselves, to find cogent answers to three questions: First, how can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career? Second, how can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse and my family become an enduring source of happiness? Third, how can I be sure I’ll stay out of jail?”

  1. “Create a Strategy for Your Life”

 

2. “Allocate Your Resources”

 

 3. “Create a Culture”

 

4. “Avoid the “Marginal Costs” Mistake”

 

5. “Remember the Importance of Humility”

 

6. “Choose the Right Yardstick”

 
“This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.”

We always have choices... always...

We all have a choice when it comes to making a decision - between right and wrong. All of us have a conscience and the conscience is continuously evaluating our options and tagging each of these options - appropriately- as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. So at any point of time, we definitely know the correct path and it is totally in our hands whether or not we follow the dictates of our conscience.

I agree that the correct choice may not always be convenient and comfortable; more often than not the right path is also the more difficult path. I also understand that not everyone can withstand the rigors and the hardship that may come with the right decision. That we consciously make the choice is my strong belief. And this ability to make the right decision and to walk the difficult terrains sets apart the heroes from the common people and makes super-humans of the mere mortals

Nobody is BORN a hero but anyone can BECOME a hero; it is totally our choice... what we CHOOSE to become. It is for us to realize that we have the power to make the change and that we have the strength to stand the adversities.

History is abuzz with the stories of the heroes and superheroes; these people made the right choice, knowing fully well that these choices may cost them their peace, the normalcy of their lives and at times even their lives. The heroes are as human as us but that they could rise above their weaknesses and flaws differentiates these people from the masses and makes them the extra-ordinary.

It is quite inspiring the way the reel life has portrayed the power of making choices, the willpower to stand despite all difficulties and the strength of character to bear the pain but not give in. 

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Green Goblin: Spider-Man. This is why only fools are heroes - because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice. Let die the woman you love... or suffer the little children? Make your choice, Spider-Man, and see how a hero is rewarded!
Spider-Man: Don't do it Goblin!
Green Goblin: We are who we choose to be... now, *choose*! 

• Movie: Spider man I

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Dr. Davis: You say you can't sleep. Heart break? Bad Dreams?
Peter Parker: There is one dream where in my dream, I'm Spider-Man. But I'm loosing my powers. I'm climbing a wall but I keep falling.
Dr. Davis: Oh. So you're Spider-Man...
Peter Parker: [interrupts Dr. Davis] In my dream... Actually, it's not even my dream, it's a friend of mine's dream.
Dr. Davis: Oh. Somebody else's dream. What about this friend? Why does he climb these walls? What does he think of himself?
Peter Parker: That's the problem, he doesn't know what to think.
Dr. Davis: Kind of makes you mad not to know who you are? Your soul disappears, nothing is bad as uncertainty. Listen, maybe you're not supposed to be Spider-Man climbing those walls? That's why you keep falling. You'll always have a choice Peter.
Peter Parker: [whispers] I have a choice.

• Movie: Spider man II

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Miranda Priestly: ......I never thought I would say this, Andrea, but I really, I see a great deal of myself in you. You can see beyond what people want, and what they need and you can choose for yourself.
Andy Sachs: I don't think I'm like that. I couldn't do what you did to Nigel, Miranda. I couldn't do something like that.
Miranda Priestly: You already did. To Emily.
Andy Sachs: That's not what I... no, that was different. I didn't have a choice.
Miranda Priestly: No, no, you chose. You chose to get ahead. You want this life. Those choices are necessary.

• Movie: The Devil Wears Prada

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[Travis tells Logan that he looks like a man who’s thinking about doing something he shouldn’t.]
Travis: You know what happens to men who go looking for blood?
[Logan looks at him.]
Travis: They find it.
[The farmer pauses.]
Travis: We all have a choice, son.
Logan: Well, mine got taken.
[The farmer looks hard at Logan and tells him bluntly.]
Travis: Bulls—t.

• Movie: X-Men Origins:Wolverine

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Bruce Wayne: People are dying. What would you have me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.

• Movie: The Dark Knight

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Bond of Sisterhood...

Of late, I have been contemplating about life... the bygone and the yet-to-come...!!! Life has been, so far, quite happening... complete with ...lows and highs; success and defeats; beginnings and endings..!!

The highs have given me wings, success the horizon and beginnings the hope...!! Definitely I have also had my share of lows, defeats and ends... but thankfully God has always been looking over me...!! I am definitely blessed to have a wonderful family... which is my support system...!! But apart from the family ... I have also had some great friends... specifically my girl friends... who have stood with me through the thick and thin!!

I make friends easily... and definitely I don’t have a gender bias when I make friends... :) In fact I have lots of friends who are male... but the camaraderie that I share with my girl friends is special...!! And I thank each of them... for being there for me... and for making my life special...!!

The friendship that a girl shares with another girl is different... it is almost too hard to explain... it is a bond that cannot be replaced by anything else!! We are bound in this relationship by similar emotions, expectations, apprehensions, ambitions and dreams...!!

Men and women are very different from each other... in their communication styles, in their emotional needs and in their reactions under stress...!! It is always easier for a woman to understand another woman’s expectation in correct perspective...!! We are at the same page when we discuss love, life, ambition, expectation, anger, frustration and admiration.

It is not that we do not have fights... or that we aren’t jealous... but what I am talking about is that we speak and appreciate the same language - the language that belongs to the sisterhood - and that it is easier for a woman to connect with another women... to get the correct perspective... and to have similar emotional quotient... and that we talk at the same wavelength... of emotion... of strength... of fear... of apprehension and of character...!!

Commuting from Gurgaon to Rohini...

Last Saturday, after a very long time, I travelled to Gurgaon. As I had booked a cab so the travel was quite comfortable. I had all the time and luxury to observe and to realize how much Gurgaon – in particular commuting to and from Gurgaon- has changed over the last three and half years.

Back then I was working with Aricent and was staying as a PG (Paying Guest). My Aunt’s house is in Rohini and I used to visit her and family every weekend, traveling all the way from Gurgaon to Rohini...!!

Phew..!! Now when I imagine... I wonder how I managed to do so... week after week for about 6 months... (August 2006 - December 2006) !! On a typical Saturday, at around 9 am, I would start my journey from the PG accommodation at Sector 22, Gurgaon.

1. My PG was inside an alley, so a rickshaw to the main road -Old Gurgaon Road.

2. On the Old Gurgaon Road,  a shared auto to the Kapashera border (Delhi-Gurgaon Border).

 3. A DTC bus (Route number- 729) from Kapashera border to Dhaula Kuan.

4. Another DTC bus from Dhaula Kuan to Wazirpur Bus Depot.

5. From the bus depot, walking for a while to the nearest metro station - Netaji Subhash Place Metro Station and boarding a metro.

6. Finally getting down at the Rohini West Metro Station, the last leg of journey on a Rickshaw to the my Aunt's house.

The distance from Gurgaon to Rohini is around 35-36 kilometers ... and the travel time between 2-3 hours...!!

Although those trips were by no standards even close to comfortable... they were definitely adventurous and interesting...!! As I recollect one of those typical trips, I am smiling. It sure was lot of fun. :):)

Footprints on the sands of time...

   TELL me not, in mournful numbers,

        Life is but an empty dream ! —

    For the soul is dead that slumbers,

        And things are not what they seem.

    Life is real !   Life is earnest!

        And the grave is not its goal ;

    Dust thou art, to dust returnest,

        Was not spoken of the soul.

    Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,

        Is our destined end or way ;

    But to act, that each to-morrow

        Find us farther than to-day.

    Art is long, and Time is fleeting,

        And our hearts, though stout and brave,

    Still, like muffled drums, are beating

        Funeral marches to the grave.

    In the world's broad field of battle,

        In the bivouac of Life,

    Be not like dumb, driven cattle !

        Be a hero in the strife !

    Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !

        Let the dead Past bury its dead !

    Act,— act in the living Present !

        Heart within, and God o'erhead !

    Lives of great men all remind us

        We can make our lives sublime,

    And, departing, leave behind us

        Footprints on the sands of time ;

    Footprints, that perhaps another,

        Sailing o'er life's solemn main,

    A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,

        Seeing, shall take heart again.

    Let us, then, be up and doing,

        With a heart for any fate ;

    Still achieving, still pursuing,

        Learn to labor and to wait.

 (A PSALM OF LIFE by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow )

I recited this poem for one of the English Recitation Competition at my school. Even though I could not fully comprehend and appreciate this poem then, I loved it... I loved its lyrics... for beautiful rhyming and for picturesque wordings. And now when I read this poem... I am absolutely bowled over by the content...  it inspires... and enlightens...!! Absolutely simple... yet absolutely mind-blowing..!! This poem, just the few lines, captures the gist of whole life...!! It is so fresh... so modern....!! So realistic in the present context that at times I am surprised that it was penned down as early as October 1838.

That this poem is contemporary to our times....tells that... though world has changed...  and that we have changed... and also our outlooks... priorities... beliefs... and everything... but still the true meaning of life has not changed... over these years... rather the centuries...!!

I believe that the real meaning of the life can never change...it is passed on from one generation to next...  knowingly or unknowingly...!! Our generation is following the footprints left behind by the past generations... and the coming generations will follow ours...!!

Those old mails...

We belong to the IT age... where the handwritten letters are soon going to be an extinct art...!! And I firmly believe that nothing can ever replace... the smell that comes from an old, folded letter... the warmth of words... the earnestness of feelings... and the effort of the person who wrote the letter....!!

I loved it very much... more than any precious gifts... whenever he (now my husband of 3.5 years :)) gave me handwritten notes or letters...!! And I have preserved nearly all of his handwritten notes to me :) ... and each of these notes is very close to my heart...!!

That he has written these notes... in his own handwriting... makes them ... all the more special and romantic :) :) Alas!!!... This not-so-new email culture has nearly killed the art of writing letters by hand... the real letters... but still sometimes ... on demand ... he writes to me... in his own handwriting ... :) :) and I love those letters so much!!

Nonetheless be it handwritten letters or emails.... I believe... all old mails are real treasures...!! Every mail has a history and a memory associated with it...!! Each of these mails has a story to remind.... a story that can make us smile... laugh... blush... and sometimes... even cry... but in any case... it stirs emotions...!!

After a very long time... today I got a chance to skim through some of my old emails... and I could not stop myself from being transported to past... and the memories overwhelmed me... !! I felt so happy... and at the same time... so content... and so blessed.... for having such wonderful memories... Touch wood!!!

Goodbye mails... the last few words...

I keep hearing... IT market is doing good... and that economy is picking up again... and soon it would be booming...!! :) :) Thank God!! This is definitely a breather... and a much awaited break from the bleak and gloomy global ‘recession’.... that we faced over last one year and a half...!! (October 2008 to the first quarter of 2010)!!

Even the stock exchange and the market indicators confirm the recovery and promise growth of the economy...!! But there is another... more prominent... and more visible indicator of the health of IT sector...  and it is the "ATTRITION"!! ... :):)

As things are now looking up... and future appears bright... so the job market is upbeat ...and we say that this is the best time to switch jobs...!! :):) The fact is... the industry is in a state of flux... with lot of people moving out... and lot of new people moving in...!!

Initially, I thought... that this is the story of my organization only... but then realized ... this is the same everywhere... across locations... and across companies...!! All of a sudden ... people are looking out for job change... primarily for money...  possibly for designation... or location... may be for quality of work... even for the work-life balance...!! There can be varied reasons... but one thing that is common and consistent... is the ‘Goodbye’ mail. :) !!!

Nearly everyone who leaves... sends in one last email from the (soon-to-be discontinued) official email id... to say the last few words...!! Some mails are short and sweet, some are longer. Some mails are professional and to the point, some are emotional and tear-inducing. But in any case, these mails are pretty interesting. :)..

Even without us realizing it or giving it any serious thought.... sending ‘Goodbye’ mail has become a tradition... though untold and unacknowledged...!!

In the recent past.... I have received quite a few goodbye mails... and each of these mails is distinct ... in its style... its content... its way of expression....!! These mails speak a lot about the person.... his or her emotional quotient...  attachment with the organization... the quality of the time spent...  and also of the memories created...!!

PS- I am not biased for any specific industry or sector... just that I am limited by my own exposure... I have only worked with the IT industry...!!

Jo ... Don't go... :)

That day... our first job location was announced... and then she left Chennai....!! That was the last time... when we were together... Me and Jo...!!

It was in the last week of September... 2004...!! We had completed our two months freshers' training (at Cognizant, Chennai) ...  and we were ready to embark upon our professional journey... and so we were eagerly waiting for our first posting...!! It was after lunch... that our training coordinator came to the classroom... with a sheet that had the location listed for each of us... in the batch CS001.

All the freshers' were grouped under various batches based on different technologies... and ours was batch-1 for 'Client Server' technology :)

He first announced the names of the people who were to join at the Kolkata center...  and our names were not there.... and it was just fine...!! And then the names for Pune location followed...  and after a few... he announced Jo’s name...!! I was standing just next to her... and she was happy... (Why not... after all in IT....Pune is one of the coolest locations to be at...!) ... And I crossed my fingers... hoping to hear my name next... but it was not to be....!!  Coordinator finished the names for Pune....  and my name was not announced yet... !! Then he looked up from the sheet...!!

I was getting tense... a bit restless and just then he told... that the people whose names were not called as  yet.... would be based out of Chennai..!! And my heart missed a beat...!! I was shocked...  and... I was sad...  inconsolable....!!  It took a while, at least 5 minutes or so, for me to accept that ... one of my fears had come true.... and that Jo was to MOVE to Pune and I was to STAY BACK in Chennai...!! My eye filled with tears... and then tears started rolling down my face...... I could not hold any longer...!! I broke down and I cried... and I did cry a lot...!! :)

It was not that I had any issues whatsoever with Chennai... or that I wanted Pune or any another specific location...!! I was not even bothered with the hot (or very hot weather) of Chennai...!!Sure... I was not thinking about the language problem that I would soon realize (to be continued in one of the next episodes of the Chennai Series :))!! 

That day... at that place.... the only thing that mattered to me was... that Jo was leaving...!!... I was least bothered that everyone else was making fun of me... and that they were singing in unison and teasing me.... "Jo.... Don’t go..."!!

It’s now almost 6 years that we have not met in person... though we mail at times... and talk over phone sometimes...!! But not distance or time could change the place that she holds in my life...!! She has been a great friend... and a mentor...!! I could confide anything in her... because I know she would understand and that she would not judge...!!

We are two completely different people... from hugely different backgrounds...  upbringings ... faiths... and even mother tongue :)...!! But these differences could only strengthen the bond I share with her...!!

I am blessed to have her in my life...!!

And miles to go before I sleep...

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

                                  - Robert Frost

I don't remember when I read these lines ... for the first time... but for long... these have been my favorites. Just four lines... and they define life perfectly... :) So beautiful... and so simple yet so meaningful... and so complete!!

Life is a journey... and each of us is a lonely traveler... and we have to continually walk ahead... and when we stop...we seize to exist anymore...!!

Yes... It's a journey... of gradually growing up...of continuously evolving.... and of attaining the wisdom...!! It's unique because... there are no destinations...to this!! It's a journey... through and through :) ... And the beauty is... that everyone is journeying... inherently, even without realizing it… and that we do not have any choices or options... it’s compulsory... and the very essence of our being!!

In life... everyone is for himself or herself... we are always alone...!! We live with people... we live among people... but still each of us has a different and a unique path to tread...!! No two people can ever be together in the same space... time and context...!! It’s weird... right?? I know...!! But I have thought over it... again and again... and this belief has only grown stronger...!! Even when we are together.... like... celebrating a festival... or watching a movie... or simply talking.... each of us still has a distinct identity... either in space or time or context....!!

It’s a continuous travel... and there are no stops... :) ....Every second of every minute of every hour of every day... and even when we are apparently not doing anything... we are still walking.... it’s a travel through time... and we are always traveling ahead... there are no looking back :)

The day... we reach our destination... our journey comes to an end and so does the life... because this journey is nothing but the LIFE itself!!

Hope is a strange thing...

Its Monday today ... and now for third Monday in the row... I have Monday blues... :(... I feel tired.... and somewhat drained... :( I was HOPING to catch up on some sleep over the weekend... but somehow I could not.... so now my brain is sending signals... that I am tired... :) I know and understand... that this feeling of tiredness is more a perception than reality... :)

This happens all the times... whenever we pin our HOPE at something and we do not get it... then we are disappointed... and it pains us...!! Now this pain can be as insignificant as tiredness... or crankiness... but at times ... it can also be huge... frustration... and anger...!!

Did we not feel terrible when we did not get the promotion (at the work place) that we were so hoping for...?? Did it not hurt us when one of our good friends forgot to wish us on our birthday... and we hoped that he or she would send a gift :)?? Were we not angry when India lost in a cricket match to Pakistan... that we so hoped India to win??

Whether the hope is for a small and rather insignificant thing... or it is for something that has a life changing effect.... if our hope is not fulfilled... it has bothered us... it has pained us... it has made us sad... !! At many a times the root cause of our ‘pain’... is our ‘hope’...!!

But this is not the conclusion… there is another side to this coin... another part of this story... and that is... at times... HOPE has been the sole life force... that has helped us sustain ... and motivated us to continue in the toughest of the situations...!!

It is only because we hope that there is light at the other end of the dark tunnel that we get the strength to walk through it...!!

Is it not only because we hope... that next time we would be promoted... that we still continue to work...?? Is it not because we hope that our dear friend would be there for us always... that we forgive him or her... for forgetting our birthday...?? At times we feel that everything is lost.... and that... now we can endure no more... but we still hold on... because deep down we have this HOPE that... this too shall pass...!!

Though I have quoted insignificant examples... but I hope to bring significant attention to the context :)!!

Yes... we hope and so... we are... really!! It’s the hope… that keeps us sane amidst maddening situations... gives us strength to look beyond and wait for a better future... however at times it even hurts us... makes us feel desperate...!! At times hope helps us have confidence... happiness... dreams... aspirations... patience... and also at times pain...despair... frustration... anger... agitation... and hopelessness... :)

It is quite strange as how HOPE invokes a wide spectrum of feelings and emotions... and how it keeps us humane... :)!!

For this... did I do my engineering...?

My manager told me today...that I would be mentoring two fresher's ...joining the organization. ('Fresher' is an IT jargon that stands for a person fresh out of college; joining its first organization.)
 
WOW... I would be MENTORING...!! I can mentor... so it definitely means that I have the qualification to address my mentees’ inquisitiveness.... that I have the maturity to understand their insecurities and fears... and I also have the vision to provide them with guidance on their career path....!! ... And it made me smile... I felt a sense of pride…!!  It is, indeed, a milestone..., rather a significant one, of my professional journey...!!

With some industry experience... now I understand... that though a fresher has education and degrees but that are not enough... professional world is altogether a different ball game... :) On our side of the world... education is important... but experience is what matters more...!! Here... intelligence is appreciated... but diligence is what we look for....!! Though we may have topped our branch... or our college... we may even have earned gold medals... but when we start our professional career... we start afresh… we start it from a zero...!! :) The irony is that I NOW understand this… back then … may be I lacked the maturity :)

I have come a long way from where it started.... some 5.5 years back... and I was the FRESHER then ... :)...!!

That day is still so vivid..., ‘Cognizant’, Tidal Park Office, Chennai and the date was 9th August 2004..., when a crowd of around 500 or so odd people completed the joining formalities...!! We had a qualified brain but an unsure heart.... of what lays ahead... how future will unfold... and where we would be headed to...!! Yes... we were scared then... that day... when the journey started... and life has been a roller coaster ride ever since...!!

After the initial two month long induction training, we were put on live projects... and Sridhar was my first ever team lead (and I still call him TL)...!! At that time, he must be having the similar experience level that I have now...!! Though our work experiences may be comparable...and also the technical skills but definitely not the temperament... and the attitude...!! TL was an awesome mentor...!! He is mature... composed... comforting... understanding... and most importantly, he definitely knew how to handle me… then!! :)..

It was just the first week of my live project...!!TL assigned me my very first work/task… The task was to understand a small module in the application and then write test cases... around it... !! After explaining the requirements… he turned to his system (He used to sit diagonally opposite to me...)… Hardly 5 minutes had gone…that he heard someone sobbing…. rather someone crying… crying hard!! And he looked around… to only find me crying … crying my heart out…!! He was shocked… and confused….!! Lots of thoughts crossed his mind… did something terrible happen??… Or was I not feeling well??… Or did he offend me in anyway??… Or did I fight with one of my friends??...

I was his team member… and he had to understand as why I was crying… so he came to me… sat next to me… then asked, “Manu… what happened??”… I turned to him... and between my sobs… I replied and conveyed my genuine feelings… “For this (writing test cases) only did I do my engineering??”

TL looked at me… at my tear filled eyes and my pained expression… and he patted my shoulder… and told… “Manu… I understand and we will discuss this... once you stop crying...”!!

Now… after all these years… I know… I was damn blessed to have him as my first lead and mentor…!!

He did not laugh at my foolishness (now I know …it was so stupid.)… Nor did he scold me (If I was in his place… I would have got irritated...)… Also he did not ignore me (At least he could have let it pass…) … or impose upon me (After all I was just a fresher…)!!

We can only miss him...

... And then I woke up... and realized that...it was only a dream... a dream where we were together... all of us... and he was with us... and we were laughing as usual... like mad that we did...!! Of course ... it has to be a dream.... because the truth is...he is no more.... and it has been 5 years since...!! This realization always causes immense pain... but then the co-incidence... that it's his birthday today... made it cruel ...!! :(

Sometimes... it feels... as if he is still here... with us...!!  I could sometimes hear his voice...calling my name... as he used to do then...!! His smile... his eyes... his hugs... his talks...!!Oh yes... he was special for us... very special...!!

Very unique was his association with each of us....!! He assumed different roles... best friend... best brother... mentor...guide... and he was just perfect in every role that he played...!!

He loved us... just unconditionally...!!  And he would do anything to make us feel special...!!

He was one of the most intelligent people ...I ever met...!! When it comes to programming and software... he sure was a geek... but then he was as cool as anyone can be... :)..!!! He was so much fun to be with... so spontaneous... and so wonderful!!

It, in itself, is a privilege to have known him... to have spent time with him... to have shared a joke... to have discussed anything to everything over tea... to have walked the same lanes... and to have hold hands...!!

Memories of our time spent together... are still intact... and are as fresh...!! Yes... these memories hurt... and hurt very badly...!! It has been a big personal loss for all of us.... but it was a bigger tragedy....!! Tragedy... that it was so quick...that by the time we heard the news... he had already left us...forever... and we couldn't say good byes... and the fact is ... now we can only miss him...!!

I miss you so much... Amit Bhaiya!! We miss you so much... We may not always express... but we feel your absence so much... in everything that we take up!! We miss you... when we are sad... and we yearn for your rock solid support...!! We miss you... when we are happy... and we want to see that sparkle in your eyes...!!

Leave without any reason...

No... I am not sick...!!
... Also I did not go home or to my in-laws place...for Holi...!!
Any crisis...?? of course not... !!
Guests at home..?? None...!!
Need for me-time.... Nah..!!

Actually there is no logically valid excuse for this leave per say.... And yes... I still...took a day off today...!!

WOW... after a long time ...did I take a leave ... just for the heck of taking one...!!!

In fact… if I can recollect correctly... I think... this is for second or third time in my career of around 6 years... when I absolutely knew... that the leave is without any reason...!! :)

And it did make me happy... very happy!!

Few days back.... when I applied for this leave... I was feeling little guilty... as I usually do whenever I apply for one…!! Sometimes…my husband would tease me... that I behave as if office would shut down... if I don’t go… :)!! ... Not his fault… I am fussy about my office... my work... my client... my calls... and my deadlines...!! I always have some reason... and taking off ... even for a day is a seriously thought about decision...!!

But this time… it was an impulse... definitely...and thankfully... I did not apply any logic to it...!! I am so glad... that I did not...!! Today I had this nice feeling... of peace... and of contentment...!! It was a much needed break... and I relaxed...!!

Living at our own terms… is this not the whole purpose of us working so hard?? Are not all these leaves well earned ... for ourselves... and should not be reserved …for some purpose... or exigency?? Shouldn’t we realize... that office is just a part of our life... and that it should not become the heart of it...!! If going to office everyday is normal... then simply being at home at times…when we wish… is equally normal!!

We work... because we want to have economical independence ... and freedom… of thought and of expression… we want to prove ourselves… we want to grow… we want to reach the sky… but among all this … have we become slaves elsewhere??

My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist...

Quite like other King Khan fans... I, too, was eagerly waiting for the release of 2010's biggest movie... "My Name is Khan"...!! I was definitely hoping that this movie creates history... but not exactly in the manner that it did... :):)... I switched on the TV and MNIK was all over... on all the news channels and news papers ... and then soon on all major chat shows... discussions... twitter... blogs...and what not!! Tragically, all this coverage was not for the movie or its story... rather it was totally focused on one person... SRK... The Shah Rukh Khan...!! All this coverage... the publicity... was not in good taste... It was bad... very bad...!!

All this uproar was triggered by Shiv Sena.... they were and still are protesting against SRK... that is because he is supporting the inclusion of Pakistani cricketers in IPL teams. Their weapon to achieve this goal... is to disrupt the release and running of SRK starrer MNIK...!!

First and the foremost I so totally disagree to the reason of the protest... but if for a moment I let it be...!! Still disrupting the movie doesn’t make any sense to me at all..!! What I don’t understand is ...if we are protesting against person and his ideals... then how in the world... protesting against his film serves any purpose...??? In any film... he is only playing a character... which may or may not portray his own ideals or principles...!! And more so... there are more people involved with making of a movie... they have also put in their money and soul in it... what about them... and their efforts??

Now coming to the reason ... it sounds so lame... so baseless... and so very illogical!! SRK is supporting inclusion of Pakistani cricketers... so what’s the big deal about it?? He is an individual and as an Indian.... living in India ... definitely has the freedom of expression...!! Doesn’t he...?? Shouldn’t he?? I am yet not arguing the merit of the statement made... I am just wondering... if we indeed belong to the largest democracy of the world... and are we abiding with the very core of the democracy...?? Shouldn’t we be free to speak our own mind... word our own opinions??

And then I watched the movie...only to realize... how ironic it is... to protest against this particular movie...!! P.S. - On records... I agree its typical Karan Johor... candy floss... and larger than life film...Still the innocence of the protagonist touched my heart.... The simplicity of the plot is remarkable... and the message is indeed worth the whole effort involved in making it...!! It convey a simple message ... that you should not generalize people’s character... that you must not make opinions against a person based on nationality... religion... creed... color... complexion... gender... or language...!!

If the hatred between these two nations.... India and Pakistan.... is one bitter truth... then there is another truth as well... that we share common roots... and a common beginning...!! I am no advocate of India-Pakistan peace ... and don’t believe that any effort or initiative can ever change the equation between these two nations...!! But I am a strong supporter of freedom of expression....I understand that this is my personal opinion.... and I should not influence anyone else with it or impose it on others...!!

In the movie, Mr. Khan is trying to prove...My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist... and the tragedy is that he has to prove his authenticity and patriotism in real life as well... and still we claim... that we are a free nation...Are we really??